Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sprynge Fayre - a teacher and studio owners perspective

Last night I put on the 3rd Show I've hosted since Rebel Hips opened one year ago. From a logistical stand point, everything seemed to be going wrong. The beautiful fabric that I had to cover the walls kept falling down (I believe this is due to using a new type of double side tape than what I usually do), the music kept cutting in and out, we ran out of water, etc and so on. While in an ideal world, those things wouldn't have happened, they didn't seem to dampen the mood or the spirit of the night. Like a bride that smiles through rain on her wedding day, everyone danced and fell into the spirit of the evening.

A lot of people don't realize the blood, sweat and tears that goes into putting on a show or building a choreography and teaching it. Usually, the week before the show (and even the day of) I feel very grouchy and curmudgeonly as I compile lists of music, programs, finalize ticket sales, etc. I had spent the last week running from place to place to make sure that things were together and organized. And then the day of the show hit and I felt absolutely overcome with calm, joy and excitement.

One of the best moments as a teacher is watching your students grow, learn and take bigger and braver steps. I imagine it is very similar to motherhood. You teach lessons, you provide guidance and you hope that they will take those first steps on their own. And when they do, it's like a double rainbow of awesome opens up in your heart.

As people and performers began to show up, I started to feel really nervous, which is uncharacteristic of me. It is the most surreal feeling to go from being a student attending shows, to a student dancing in shows, to a semi pro, to a pro and then to a studio owner putting on shows. I had my make-up on and was ready to rock and thought "When is this show going to start?" and laughed when I realized that was MY job to take care of!

I came out into the hall area and was blown away by what I saw: Manda, Reginia and Michelle were helping my father-in-law, Les Posein, put up one of the wall hangings that fell down. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that some of my guest performers would stop and take the time to help me with something without being asked and without it being expected. I've been at shows throughout my dance life where even the students wouldn't lift a finger to help out and teachers or owners were stuck doing things themselves. So to have guests pitch in really inspired me and made me realize what incredible women I had before me.

When the show was about to start, I felt light of spirit and ready. I felt like t he thing I was meant to do was before me and I was humbled by it. In the first number with my student troup and I, the music was really quiet, but the girls soldiered on and the audience watched with intensity.

And then my beginner students went up to perform. I stood at the back of the hall and watched these very brave and courageous women step out onto stage with all of the pride and fervour that I had beat into them over the last 8 weeks! One of the other ladies commented on how impressed she was that my students smile and look like they are having fun. I replied that I have taught them that if they don't smile I will beat them. It's really a fear smile. Haha.

As I stood and watched them danced, I became overcome with this enormous sense of love in my heart that seemed to fill up my entire body. I teared up a little but managed to shelf them away so I didn't ruin my drag-queen make up job. I knew how much this performance meant to these ladies, some of which are going through huge transitional periods in their lives. This was a breaking out moment. To stand in front of a crowd in a sparkling bra, showing your belly in a world that bullies people into believing they aren't good enough is a huge act of courage.

As the show went on, each number that went up really made me feel prideful that I was where I was at. That I had the ability to bring together such lovely women was such an amazing feeling. Diane Szoke's solo was incredibly touching, powerful and sexy. Diane has come a long way from the hafla that she danced at in my studio last year. While she has not been a student of mine, she is definitely a kindred spirit and I loved the energy and heart that she put into her performance.

I was really impressed with Ave's performance to "I Put a Spell on you" by Natascha Atlas. She worked on the choreography with her mother and what a fitting mother's day gift to perform it in public. Especially as a very new dancer.

Carla Young's sword solo was INCREDIBLE. It was such a pleasure to see her dance as a soloist, as I've only ever seen her dance in a group. She is a fantastic dancer. Moon Unit was lovely as always, their warm personalities radiated through their dancing. They really are as nice as they seem! And HUGE props go to Terry Tudor for having the courage to perform Tribal Improv for the FIRST time by herself after all of her classmates were not in attendance. She did an incredible job for someone who was thrust in the fire!

As I prepared to dance, having watch everything I had just witnessed, I felt prepared. I felt ready. I couldn't wait to share my joy and my love for dancing with the audience. I was a little nervous as it was the first time I had ever danced with silk fans. But I loved the song I had chosen and it just felt right. One of my favourite moments during my performance was looking over and seeing Denise from Bedouin Beats sitting in the front row smiling. She has been a very dear friend of mine and means a lot to me. She was very kind and welcoming of me when I moved to Edmonton when a lot of other people were not.

After I was done performing, I could sense the crowd was a bit restless, but I wanted to hand out the door prizes. This is a tradition I had from dancing in Calgary and I can't seem to put on a show without them! As the wall hangings were falling to the ground, all I could see were the smiling and engaged faces looking back at me from the audience.

And then the second half began. The choreography that I put together for Al Muttanab came from some place in me that I didn't know existed. It felt very powerful and surreal, like I hadn't made it. It was the piece I was looking forward to seeing performed the most. It was also the most challenging choreography I have given my students. While it doesn't look difficult, the foot work and transitions are incredibly challenging, as well as making the silk veil look like it is breathing and dancing. I was brought to tears by my students. They made mistakes sure, but this piece was so difficult, they were pushing over a personal fear and achieved. I was beyond proud. At this point, I was brought to tears.

Erin's drum solo was cute and I was thrilled that she took it on. Eclipse. *le sigh* Eclipse. Always beautifully dressed (which is a huge pet peeve of mine, when groups of dancers do not put effort into their costuming. These ladies always look spectacular.) these ladies shone as usual. They really are incredibly talented at what they do. It's really neat to see how they have grown as dancers over the last 2.5 years I've been in Edmonton. And Kara! OMG! Kara! Her solo had so much fire and passion in it. I was very proud that she is one of my students. Manda, Michelle and Reginia were phenomenal. These are the tribal dancers that other tribal dancers should aspire to be like. They had energy in their faces and arms, they very beautiful technically and they knew what they were doing. These ladies know how to perform and bring honour to Tribal style dancing.

Svetlana's solo was absolutely fantastic. She has not been dancing for long (I believe under a year) and she choreographed an incredible solo. She looked like a queen on stage and looked very natural and comfortable. It was fantastic.

Andrea Wilson was absolutely resplendant. I love her style and the way she engages with music and audience alike. I feel like she has found her own very powerful voice and she is using it to exclaim loudly. While she is so talented, she is also a wonderful person and I am very happy to have her teaching at my studio.

My meleya leff. Haha. I have always dreamed of doing meleya leff. I am a big  ol' ham at heart and don't take myself very seriously. To get up there in ruffles and paillettes and twirl a large piece of polyester was a thrill of a lifetime for me. I loved it and the audience reaction felt awesome. One of my favourite moments  from the show were the sound of the crowd when I pulled up Greg's father Les Posein, the sound guy, to dance. He instantly abandonned inhibitions and gave a hot performance with the meleya! But I love how the audience cheered him on!

And once the show was over, I couldn't contain my emotions anymore. I felt a bit cheesey, but I felt so overwhelmed. This last session had been really difficult for me emotionally. It was when I transitioned from being a teacher who loved to teach and is passionate about what she does, to realizing that teaching and owning a studio is a job. And like any job it has it's shitty days, it's days when you just want to stay in bed or scream at someone but can't or throw your hands up and say "I'm done.". That was a really difficult place to come to when I was living in the moment of enacting my dream. I felt embarassed b/c I thought "I'm living my dream! I should be happy all the time!" But last night was a reconning for me. All of the blood, sweat and tears was shown back to me like a mirror image and I was overcome with joy and pride.

It was also the moment where I realized what I meant to my students and what they meant to me. I would never presume that I changed someone's life or impacted someone beyond merely giving them a break from their families. But my students showed me that I did and I feel so incredibly humbled by that gift, I feel like I could weep for days at the receipt of it. And all I can say is thank you to these women who have allowed me into their lives and have listened to what I have to say.

I have often thought that I should move my shows to a stage, but I dislike the disconnection that happens when you separate people with a barrier like a large and imposing stage. I don't want my shows to lose the magic of people moving freely around and interacting with the audience by being able to look directly into their eyes and show their fear and elation at being there.

I have also been incredibly graced with having wonderful audiences filled with people who want to be there and support each other. It seems like the naysayers and "haters" stay away. Maybe they are repelled by the incredible positive energy of the audience and peformers. Or maybe they lack the courage to admit that someone is doing a good job. Whatever it might be, the people who attend honour the performers and the space and the hard work. They are always generous with cheering and clapping which is greatly appreciated.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, to the soles of my feet to the tips of my fingers. Thank you.